Relax? I can’t relax! Nor can I yield, relent, or... only two synonyms! Oh my god, I’m losing my perspicacity!— Lisa
This page is a compilation of short lists that appeared by scrolling quickly up the screen. There are some great jokes mixed in here (particularly the Rock Bottom Corrections), but normally the only way to spot them was to tape the episode and freeze-frame it on playback.
Not any more! We bring you all the lists in a static format.
In Radio Bart, Bart is among the Krusty's Birthday Buddies: a long list of names that scrolled very quickly down the TV screen. Somehow, Bart was able to see his name in the list (I've highlighted it in bold below). Several names in the list are people who worked on the show at the time (e.g. Ken Keeler).
Lorna Le Fever
Pete St. George
Eric Van Buerden
After Homer was aquitted of sexual harassment in Homer: Badman, Rock Bottom offered him an apology in the form of these corrections:
"Peoples' Choice Awards" is America's greatest honor.
Styrofoam is not made from kittens.
The UFO was a paper plate.
The nerds on the Internet are not geeks.
The word "cheese" is not funny in and of itself.
The older Flanders boy is Todd, not Rod.
Lyndon Johnson did not provide the voice of Yosemite Sam.
If you are reading this, you have no life.
Roy Rogers was not buried in his horse.
The other UFO was an upside down salad spinner.
Our universities are not "hotbeds" of anything.
Mr. Dershowitz did not literally have four eyes.
Our viewers are not pathetic sexless food tubes.
Audrey Hepburn never weighed 400 pounds.
The "Cheers" gang is not a real gang.
Salt water does not chase the thirsties away.
Licking an electrical outlet will not turn you into a Mighty Morphing Power Ranger.
Cats do not eventually turn into dogs.
Bullets do not bounce off of fat guys.
Recycling does not deplete the ozone.
Everything is 10% fruit juice.
The flesh eating virus does not hide in ice cream.
Janet Reno is evil.
V8 juice is not 1/8 gasoline.
Ted Koppel is a robot.
Women aren't from Venus and men aren't form Mars.
Fleiss does floss.
Quayle is familiar with common bathroom procedures.
Bart is bad to the bone.
Godfry Jones' wife is cheating on him.
The Beatles haven't reunited to enter kick boxing competitions.
The "Bug" on your TV screen can see into your home.
Everyone on TV is better than you.
The people who are writing this have no life.
In Bart's Comet, Kent Brockman hosts the news bulletin detailing the rocket's failure to destroy the comet.
Over, the years, a news reporter learns things that for one reason or another, he
simply cannot report. It doesn't seem to matter now, so the following people are
The following list scrolls by very quickly. If you think these names look familiar, you'd be correct - all these people work on The Simpsons! John Swartzwelder (the episode's writer) and Bob Anderson (the director) are absent for some reason...
A brief news report in Lisa's Wedding lists the following names as celebrities that have been arrested.
The Baldwin Brothers Gang
Dr. Brad Pitt
Grandson of Sam
The Artist Formerly Known as [squiggle sign]
Tim Allen, Jr.
Senator and Mrs. Dracula
The Artist Formerly Known as Buddy Hackett
Madonnabots: Series K
Sideshow Ralph Wiggum
...while Heather Locklear remains at large. Remember, if you see any celebrities,
consider them dangerous.
Wiggum tries to find the owner of an eyelash in Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two. The following family names were shown on screen. You ought to recognise most of the names as Simpsons characters. The others are staff on the show (e.g. Oakley is showrunner Bill Oakley).