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Prank Call To Moe's
Here is the dialogue from all the times that Bart made prank calls to Moe's:
Season 1
[7G01] Some Enchanted Evening
Bart: Is Al there?
Moe: Al?
Bart: Yeah, Al. Last name Kahalic?
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. Phone call for Al... Al Coholic. Is there
an Al Coholic here?
(The guys in the pub cheer.)
Moe: Wait a minute... Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass,
if I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna kill you!
[7G01] Some Enchanted Evening
Bart: Is Oliver there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Oliver Clothesoff.
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. [calls] Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver
Clothesoff!
(Marge picks up the extension)
Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your
belly open!
[7G03] Homer's Odyssey
Bart: (with Lisa) Is Mister Freely there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Freely, first initials I. P.
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. Uh, is I. P. Freely here? Hey everybody, I.
P. Freely!
[the customers laugh] Wait a minute... Listen to me you lousy bum. When I
get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half.
[7G06] Moaning Lisa
Bart: (with Lisa)
Moe: Yeah, Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking.
Bart: Is Jaques there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Jaques, last name Strap.
Moe: Uh, hold on. Uh, Jock... Strap... Hey guys I'm looking for a
Jock Strap.
[laughs from all] Oh... wait a minute... Jock Strap... It's you isn't it ya
cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a
fish and drink your blood.
Season 2
[7F11] One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish
Bart: (with Lisa)
Moe: Hello, Moe's Tavern. Birthplace of the Rob Roy.
Bart: Is Seymour there? Last name Butz.
Moe: Just a sec. Hey, is there a Butz here? A Seymour Butz? Hey,
everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!
[realizes] Wait a minute... Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When
I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!
[7F15] Principal Charming
Bart: (in Principal Skinner's office) Hello, is Homer there?
Moe: Homer who?
Bart: Homer... Sexual.
Moe: Wait one second, let me check. [calls] Uh, Homer Sexual? Hey,
come on, come on, one of you guys has got to be Homer Sexual!
Homer: Don't look at me!
Moe: You rotten liver pot! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my
teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
Skinner: You'll do what, young man?
[7F22] Blood Feud
Moe: [answers the phone] Moe's Tavern, where the elite meet to
drink.
Bart: Uh, hello. Is Mike there? Last name, Rotch.
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. [calls] Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has
anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
[barflies laugh] Listen, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to
catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick.
Season 3
[8F02] Treehouse of Horror II
Bart: with Mrs. Krabappel and one of the Sherri/Terri twins
Moe: [answers the phone] Moe's Tavern. ... Hold on, I'll check. Uh,
hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my
butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.
All: [laugh]
Barney: Ho ho, that's a good one.
Moe: Wait a minute...
Bart: [hangs up and laughs]
[8F08] Flaming Moe's
Moe: [answering the phone] Flaming Moe's.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass.
First name Hugh.
Moe: Uh, hold on, I'll check. [calling] Hugh Jass! Somebody check the
men's room for a Hugh Jass!
Man: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
Moe: Telephone. [hands over the receiver]
Hugh: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: [surprised] Uh, hi.
Hugh: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, Mister. This is a crank call
that sort of backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. [hangs up] What a nice young
man.
[8F09] Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk
Moe: Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a Mrs. O'Problem? First name,
Bea.
Moe: Uh, yeah, just a minute, I'll check. [calls] Uh, Bea O'Problem?
Bea O'Problem! Come on guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?
Barney: You sure do! [everyone laughs]
Moe: Oh... [to phone] It's you, isn't it! Listen, you. When I get a
hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with
your brains!
Season 4
[9F06] New Kid on the Block
Moe: [answers the phone] Yeah, just a sec; I'll check. [calls] Amanda
Hugginkiss? Hey, I'm lookin' fer Amanda Hugginkiss. Why can't I find Amanda
Hugginkiss?
Barney: Maybe your standards are too high!
Moe: [to phone] You little S.O.B. Why, when I find out who you are,
I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in
your butt!
Bart: My name is Jimbo Jones, and I live at 1094 Evergreen Terrace.
Moe: I knew he's slip up sooner or later!' He unsheathes a rusty
knife and heads out of the tavern.
[9F06] New Kid on the Block
(Laura Powers with Bart)
Laura: Hello, I'd like to speak to Ms. Tinkle? First name... Ivana?
Moe: Ivana Tinkle, just a sec. [calls] Ivana Tinkle! Ivana Tinkle!
Hey, everybody, put down your glasses. Ivana Tinkle!
Season 6
[2F19] The PTA Disbands
This isn't at Moe's; Moe is taking over as the substitute teacher for
Mrs. Krabappel's class during the strike
Moe: OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or
"here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
[laughter from kids]
Moe: All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?
[laughter]
Moe: All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
[more laughter]
Moe: Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it.
It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help
that!
Moe runs out of the classroom crying.
Season 7
[3F14] Homer the Smithers
Burns: I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Wayland
Moe: Oh, so, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name
Wayland, is it? Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your
eyes and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta
you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!
[3F17] Bart on the Road
Homer: Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura
Moe: Eura Snotball?
Homer: What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a
flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!
Season 13
[CABF20] Homer The Moe
Homer is looking after Moe's.
Bart: I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie.
Homer: (excited) Ooh! My first prank call! What do I do?
Bart: Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.
Homer: I don't get it.
Bart: Yell out "I'll eat a booger"
Homer: What's the gag?
Bart: Oh, forget it...
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