- - -

Homer: I don't know Marge....trying is the first step towards failure.

- - -

Homer: Oh my God, space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them!

- - -

Homer: Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night.

- - -

Homer: Maybe for once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'

- - -

Homer: I'm tired of being a wanna-be leauge bowler, I wanna be a league bowler!

- - -

Homer: Stealing?! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives sermons at church? Captain What's-his-name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?

- - -

Homer: Damn you Walt Whitman! I-hate-you-Walt-freakin'-Whitman! Leaves of Grass my ass!

- - -

Homer: But let me tell you, the slim lazy Homer you knew is dead. Now I'm a big fat dynamo!

- - -

Homer: I don't want to look like a weirdo. I'll just go with a muu-muu.

- - -

Homer: Shame on all of you! Give me my dignity! I just came here to see Honk if You're Horny in peace!

- - -

Homer: Mmm...unprocessed fish sticks.

- - -

Homer: That's weird. It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone.

- - -

Homer: Uh, I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am!

- - -

Homer: Ooh! Erotic cakes!

- - -

Homer: Ah, the Miracle Mile-where value wears a neon sombrero and there's not a single church or library to offend the eye.

- - -

Bart: Wow, Dad, you took a baptismal for me. How do you feel?
Homer: Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.
Ned: Wait, Homer. What did you just say?
Homer: I said shut your ugly face, Flanders!

- - -

Homer: Okay, Okay, don't panic. To find Flanders, I have to think like Flanders.
Homer's brain: I'm a big four-eyed lame-o and I wear the same stupid sweater everyday, and...
Homer: The Springfield River!!

- - -

Homer: Kids, kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers.

- - -

Homer: Yes, Bart's a tutor now. Tute on, son! Tute on!

- - -

Homer: Whoa, careful now. These are dangerous streets for us upper-lower-middle class types. So avoid eye contact, watch your pocketbook, and suspect everyone.
Snake: Three card monte!
Homer: Woohoo! Easy money!

- - -

Homer: Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day, and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

- - -

Homer: Ah, so that's what's been wrong with the little fella. He misses casual sex.

- - -

Homer: I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

- - -

Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

- - -

Homer: To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

- - -

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.

- - -

Homer: Give me some peace of mind or I'll mop the floor with you!

- - -

Homer: Stop pummeling me! It's really painful!!

- - -

Homer: You gave both dogs away?! You know how I feel about giving!

- - -

Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie--one to lie and one to listen.

- - -

Homer: Oh, they have the internet on computers now.

- - -

Homer: He didn't give you gay, did he?

- - -

Homer: Badger my ass.....it's probably Milhouse.

- - -

Homer: Ever notice how white people have names like Lenny, but black people have names like Carl?

- - -

Homer: Purple is a fruit.

- - -

Homer: All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money back by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.

- - -

Homer: I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, godless, evil stuff. And I want in.

- - -

Homer: Ooohhhh........my ox testicle has ants on it.

- - -

Homer: Boy, seeing all that stomach surgery go wrong sure makes me hungry!

- - -

Homer: She's always so moral, why can't she be more like.....well, not Bart, but there's got to be a happy medium.

- - -

Homer: I'm gonna be off work all week.....I TOLD you, my baby beat me up.......no, that's not the worst excuse I've ever thought of!

- - -

Homer: Yeah, we should start our own game where you throw ducks at balloons, and nothing's the way it seems!

- - -

Homer: We're getting out of here, now! Jump in Marge! Trust me! Throw the kids. No time for the baby!

- - -

Homer: Pffdt. English. Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

- - -

Homer: I like my beers cold and my homosexuals FLAMING.

- - -

Homer: Where is Bart anyway? His dinner's getting all cold, and eaten.

- - -

Homer: I promise a lot of things, that's what makes me a good father.

- - -

Homer: The pain was like a drug, but even more like a drug were the drugs.

- - -

Homer: I wanna set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute.

- - -

Homer: I see the light! .....IT BURNS!!

- - -

Homer: If he's so smart, then how come he's dead?

- - -

Homer: Give me some peace of mind, or I'll mop the floor with 'ya!