Krusty the Clown, you are under arrest for armed robbery. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say blah blah blah blah blah blah.— Wiggum
Marge: You took a new job in a strange town without discussing it with your family?
Homer: Of course not. I wouldn't do that! (pause) Why not?
Marge: We have roots here, Homer. We have friends and family and library cards... Bart's lawyer is here.
Homer: Promise not to laugh? I always wanted to own the Dallas Cowboys. (everyone laughs)
Lisa: I'm sorry, Dad. I just find that very cute.
Marge: I've dug myself into a happy little rut here and I'm not about to hoist myself out of it.
Homer: Just bring the rut with ya, honey!
Homer: Well, what do you think of me and Cypress Creek now, Marge?
Marge: It does seem nicer than Springfield.
Lisa: Yeah, did you notice how the people weren't shoving or knocking each other down? I've never been to a place like that before.
Bart: (shoving her) Me neither!
Hank Scorpio: You will notice, my new best friend, that we are pretty casual around here.
Homer: Yes, sir. I will notice that. Very casual, Mr. Scorpion.
Hank Scorpio: Good afternoon, gentlemen. This is Scorpio. I have the Doomsday Device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold or you'll face the consequences. And to prove I'm not bluffing, watch this.
Ambassador 1: Oh, my God, the 59th Street bridge!
Ambassador 2: Maybe it just collapsed on its own.
Ambassador 1: We can't take that chance.
Ambassador 2: You always say that. I want to take a chance!
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Hank Scorpio: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third. There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There? That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district.
Hank Scorpio: Don't call me that word. I don't like things that elevate me above the other people. I'm just like you. Oh sure, I come in later in the day, I get paid a lot more, and I take longer vacations, but I don't like the word "boss".
Homer: Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and it's all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come.
Hank Scorpio: Homer, on your way out, if you want to kill somebody, it would help me a lot.
Homer: (reading Hank's letter) "Project Arcturus couldn't have succeeded without you. This will get you a little closer to that dream of yours. It's not the Dallas Cowboys, but it's a start. Drop me a line if you're on the East Coast, Hank Scorpio." (a whole football team is on his lawn) Aw, the Denver Broncos?!
Marge: I think owning the Denver Broncos is pretty good.
Homer: (disheartened) Yeah, yeah.
Marge: Well, explain to me why it isn't.
Homer: (sighs) You just don't understand football, Marge.
Scorpio: You like these moccasins? Look in your closet, there’s a pair for you. Don’t like ‘em? Then neither do I! (He throws them out the door.) Get the hell outta here! Ever see a guy say goodbye to a shoe?
Homer: (chuckles) Yes, once.