I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.— Homer
Reporter: What's your name, son?
Bart: I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?
Reporter: I'm Dave Shutton. I'm an investigative reporter who's on the road a lot and, uh, I must say that in my day, we didn't talk that way to our elders.
Bart: Well, this is my day, and we do, sir.
Homer: If I was governor, I'd sure find better things to do with my time.
Marge: Like what?
Homer: Like getting Washington's Birthday and Lincoln's Birthday back as separate paid holidays. President's Day? What a rip-off! I bust my butt day in and day out--
Marge: You're late for work, Homer.
Homer: So? Someone'll punch in for me.
Inspector: Gum used to seal crack in cooling tower.
Mr. Burns: Oh, I'm as shocked as you are.
Inspector: Plutonium rod used as paperweight.
Mr. Burns: Now that shouldn't be. (Inspector sees a pipe leaking green goo) Yeah, well, that's always been like that.
Inspector: Burns, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to bribe me.
Mr. Burns: Is there some confusion about this? Take it! Take it!
Mr. Burns: Oh, get off your soap box, Simpson, do you realize how much t costs to run for office? more than any honest man could afford.
Homer: I bet you could afford it, though. (nervously) Don't get me wrong, I mean you're an honest man, I just mean that you could afford to run for governor if you felt like it. Of course I'm just rambling cause... because you keep staring at me like that, but, but it's true!
Barney: An election!? That's one of those deals where they close the bars, isn't it?
Marge: I wonder if he's going to say anything about that horrible fish.
Homer: Oh, Marge. What's the big deal? I bet before the papers blew this all out of proportion you didn't even know how many eyes a fish had.
Advisor: Congratulations, Mr. Burns, the latest polls show you are up six points.
Mr. Burns: Ah, giving me a total of?
Advisor: Six. But we're on our way.
Homer: Kids, pleases leave the room. I don't want you to see this.
Bart: Uh-oh. (The kids leave)
Homer: Please please please please please please please please please please please please...
Bart: Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing.