Eh, just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it’s a woman though, ’cause one time I... uh...— Wiggum
Homer: I want you to show your father some love and/or respect.
Lisa: Tough choice.
Bart: I'm taking respect.
Mr. Burns: And this must be (reads card) little Brat.
Homer: Don't correct the man, Brat.
Mr. Burns: Make yourselves at home.
Bart: Hear that dad? You can lie around in your underwear and scratch yourself.
Homer: Now, as far as anyone knows, we're a nice, normal family.
Bart: Kiss you? But dad, I'm your kid.
Homer: I'm sorry, Marge, but sometimes I think we're the worst family in town.
Marge: Maybe we should move to a larger community.
Homer: You know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, "Homer, you're a big disappointment." And God bless her soul, she was really onto something.
Homer: When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!
Marge: Couldn't we pawn my engagement ring instead?
Homer: Now, I appreciate that, honey...but we need one hundred and fifty dollars here!
Receptionist: Will you be paying by cash or check?
Homer: Cash, of course! I've got two hundred and fifty dollars right here with me. I'm holding it right now... here it is, look, check it out... two hundred and fifty big ones...
Bart: If you really wanted to impress her, why don't you show her the empty space where our TV used to be?