When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV!— Homer
Bart: Hey, Lis! Check out this space-age toothbrush.
Lisa: That's an electric nostril groomer.
Comic Book Guy: I would like to return your quote-unquote Ultimate Belt.
Sarcastic Clerk: I see. Do you have a receipt, quote-unquote, sir?
Comic Book Guy: No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a door prize at the Star Trek Convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical, as the average Trekker has no use for a medium sized belt.
Sarcastic Clerk: Whoa, whoa! A fat, sarcastic, Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies.
Comic Book Guy: I must hurry back to my comic book store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.
Jimbo: Hey Simpson, wanna trade belts?
Bart: Well, not really, 'cause yours is just a piece of extension cord.
Kearney: Hey, dude, he's ragging on your cord.
Bart: (beat up) Hey, dad.
Homer: Looking good, son. Hey! What happened to your belt?
Homer: Son, there's only one thing punks like that understand: squealing. You've got to squeal to every teacher and every grown-up you can find. Coming to me was a good start.
Moe: They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe.
Homer: You know Lucius Sweet?! He's one of the biggest names in boxing! He's exactly as rich and as famous as Don King, and he looks just like him, too!
Marge: Homer, of all the crazy ideas you've had... this one ranks somewhere in the middle.
Dr. Hibbert: You have an absolutely unique genetic condition known as "Homer Simpson" syndrome.
Homer: Oh, why me?
Lucius: Your boy looks a little soft, Moe. You do remember our arrangement?
Moe: Yeah, don't worry, you'll get your three rounds.
Lucius: Stupendous. Because if he goes down before that bell rings, your future's going with him.
Moe: Okey-doke. Future's down the crapper. Gotcha.
Moe: Back when I was Gorgeous everybody wanted a piece of me. But somehow I just never made it to the big time.
Homer: Why not?
Moe: I got knocked out forty times in a row Thhat plus politics, it's all politics.
Homer: Lousy Democrats.