When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV!— Homer
Krusty: Ehh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my-- (realizes he's on TV) uh, hey! Whoa! Wasn't that great kids?
Lisa: The writers should be ashamed of themselves.
Bart: Cartoons have writers?
Lisa: Eh, sort of.
Grampa: (using a typewriter) When I read your magazine, I don't see one wrinkled face, or single toothless grin. For shame! To the sickos at Modern Bride Magazine.
Marge: Time to go to the reunion.
Homer: It'll be great to see the old gang again. Potsie, Ralph Malph, the Fonz.
Marge: That was Happy Days!
Homer: No, they weren't all happy days. Like the time Pinky Tuscadero crashed her motorcycle. Or the night I lost all my money to those card sharks and my dad Tom Bosley had to get it back.
Homer: Marge, I have my pride. I'm going to go to night school, earn my high school diploma, and get back my Most Improved Odor trophy!
Grampa: Dear Mr. President. There are too many states nowadays: please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot.
Ned: Knock that off, you two, it's time for church.
Todd: We're not going to church today.
Ned: What?! You give me one good reason!
Todd: It's Saturday!
Theme Tune: Hens love roosters; Geese love ganders; Everyone else loves Ned Flanders!
Bobby: And now the award for the alumnus who's gained the most weight... Homer Simpson.
Homer: Oh my god!
Bobby: How'd you do it, Homer?
Homer: I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch.
Homer: You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine!
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