Last night’s Itchy & Scratchy was without a doubt, the worst episode ever! Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.— CBG
Kent Brockman: ...So, for the next several years, it's every man for himself. (Snake walks out of Flander's house with his TV)
Ned: Sir, I think you've got my TV! Sir!?
Security guy: But surely you can't put a price on your family's lives!
Homer: I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are.
Homer: A gun is not a weapon, Marge, it's a tool. Like a butcher knife or a harpoon, or... or an alligator.
Homer: But Marge, I swear to you - I never thought you'd find out!
Homer: I hid it in a safe place, Marge - I mean, what are the odds the boy would look in the vegetable crisper?
Moe: It could have been a real ugly situation, but luckily I managed to shoot him in the spine.
Homer: If a gun can protect something as important as a bar, then it's good enough to protect my family.
Marge: I'm a lucky woman.
Homer: And I'm a wonderful man.
Moe: And that's how, with a few minor adjustments, you can turn a regular gun into five guns.
Cletus: Are you some kind of moron?
Homer: Yeah, but--
Homer: I felt an incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
Marge: Homer, I told you this morning, no guns at the dinner table!
Homer: You said the breakfast table.
Marge: It's the same table!
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