If a gun can protect something as important as a bar, then it’s good enough to protect my family.— Homer
Homer: (wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (in a cubicle) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Lisa: Dad, you shouldn't wear glasses that weren't prescribed for you.
Homer: Lisa, just because you're ten feet tall doesn't mean you can tell me what to do.
Bart: I'm Bart.
Quimby: I propose that I use what's left of the town treasury to move to a more prosperous town and run for mayor. And, er, once elected, I will send for the rest of you.
Barney: Man, that's classic compulsive behavior. Wow, free beer!
Homer: Marge, we need to talk. You're spending too much time at the casino and I think you may have a problem.
Marge: I won sixty dollars last night.
Homer: Woohoo! Problem solved!
Lisa: I'm not a state, I'm a monster!
Homer: No, Lisa. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!!
Mr. Burns: Ah, my beloved plant. How I miss her... Bah! To hell with this! Get my razors! Draw a bath! Get these Kleenex boxes off my feet!
Smithers: Certainly, sir. And, uh, the jars of urine?
Mr. Burns: Oh, we'll hang onto those.
Homer: You promised Lisa to help her with her costume. You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed... she's such a little trooper!
Homer: Marge, I want you to admit you have a gambling problem.
Marge: You know, you're right, Homer. Maybe I should get some professional help.
Homer: No, no, that's too expensive. Just don't do it any more.