When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV!— Homer
Shary Bobbins: Hello, I'm Shary Bobbins.
Homer: Did you say Mary Pop--
Shary Bobbins: No, I definitely did not. I'm an original creation, like Rickey Rouse, or Monald Muck.
Marge: That Shary Bobbins is a miracle worker. The kids love her, the house is spotless, and my hair's grown back. It's so full and thick it can support a beach umbrella.
Marge: My, she seems too good to be true.
Homer: I'll say. Her butt waxed the banister!
Homer: Ooh, I can't get enough of this blood pudding.
Bart: The secret ingredient is blood.
Homer: Blood? Ugh! I'll just stick to the brain and kidney pie, thank you.
TV Announcer: Welcome back to "Before They Were Famous." We all know Rainier Wolfcastle as the star of the blockbuster "McBain" movies, but here's his first appearance in a commercial in his native Austria.
Rainier: Mein bratwurst has a first name, it's F-R-I-T-Z. Mein bratwurst has a second name, it's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N...
Homer: Your mother seems really upset about something. I better go have a talk with her - during the commercial.
Bart: And I'll take up smoking and give that up.
Homer: Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar.
Willy: Shary Bobbins and I were engaged to be wed back in the old country. Then she got her eyesight back. Suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her.
Shary Bobbins: It's good to see you, Willy.
Willy: That's not what you said the first time you saw me!
Tarantino: (in Itchy & Scratchy cartoon) What I'm trying to say in this cartoon is that violence is everywhere in our society, you know, it's like even in breakfast cereals, man.
Bart and Lisa: Good-bye, Shary Bobbins!
Marge: Thanks for everything!
Barney: So long, Superman!
Shary: Hello, Willie.
Lisa: You know her?
Willie: Aye. Shary Bobbins and I were engaged to be wed back in the old country. Then she got her eyesight back. Suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her.
Shary: It's good to see you, Willie.
Willie: (angrily) That's not what you said the first time you saw me!
Skinner: Boy for sale! Boy for sale!
Jimbo: Is this legal, man?
Skinner: Only here, and in Mississippi.