When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV!— Homer
Lisa: I am the lizard queen!
Homer: Now what do we say when we get to the ticket booth?
Bart/Lisa: We're under six!
Homer: And I'm a college student.
Homer/Bart: On top of spaghetti; All covered with cheese; I lost my poor meatball...
Marge: If you don't mind, we're on our way to a funeral.
Homer: Ding, dong, the witch is dead.
Bart: Which old witch?
Homer: The wicked witch!
Selma: I can't believe Auntie Gladys is really gone.
Patty: Her legend will live forever.
Homer: (thinking) Yeah, the legend of the dog-faced woman. (aloud) Hahaha, legend of the dog-faced woman! Oh that's good!
Patty: Gladys lived alone, died alone. I guess you could say she was a role model for Selma and me. She wasn't a rich woman... (everyone leaves) ...but she was rich in spirit.
Man: (returning) Forgot my hat.
Selma: How do you do it, Homer?
Homer: You take an ordinary bedsheet, fold it around like this...
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