If a gun can protect something as important as a bar, then it’s good enough to protect my family.— Homer
Homer: I had a feeling it was too good to be true. Every time you get a million dollars, something queers the deal.
Lisa: I don't think real checks have exclamation points.
Mr. Burns: Who is that bookworm, Smithers?
Smithers: Homer Simpson, sir.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? How very strange. His job description clearly specifies an illiterate!
Homer: Oh, Marge, cartoons don't have any deep meaning. They're just stupid drawings that give you a cheap laugh.
Steward: Yes, sir, can I get you something?
Homer: Playing cards, note pad, aspirin, sewing kit, pilot's wing pin, propeller-shaped swizzle stick, sleeping mask, and anything else I've got coming to me.
Homer: Ooh, I love your magazine. My favorite section is ''How to increase your word power.'' That thing is really... really.. really.... good.
Tour guide: Folks, we print more than 18 million bills a day. Oh, and in case you were wondering, no, we don't give out free samples.
Homer: Lousy cheap country...
Congressman: I'd like to give you a logging permit, I would. But this isn't like burying toxic waste - people are going to notice those trees are gone.
Moe: Aw, isn't that nice. Now there is a politician who cares.
Barney: If I ever vote, it'll be for him!