I’ll keep it short and sweet: Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.— Burns
Marge: Homer, there's a family of possums in here!
Homer: I called the big one Bitey.
Dr. Cobb: You just better have a damn good conducter.
Homer: (outside the monorail train) Ohhhh, I locked my keys in there... get a rock.
Homer: Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Bart: I used to think you were stuck in an emasculating, go-nowhere job.
Homer: Heh, kids.
Bart: But now, I want to follow in your footsteps.
Homer: Do you wanna change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you "Ho-Ju".
Bart: (long pause) I'll get back to you.
Marge: What if something goes wrong?
Homer: What if? What if I'm taking a shower and I slip on a bar of soap? Oh my god I'd be killed!
Homer: Are we gonna die, son?
Bart: Yeah. But at least we'll take a lot of innocent people with us.
Smithers: Where shall we dump this batch, sir - the playground?
Burns: No, all those bald children are arousing suspicion. To the park!
Lyle Lanley: I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest... oh, it's not for you. It's more of a Shelbyville idea.
Quimby: Now wait just a minute: we're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it!
Quimby: All right, I'm in charge here.
Wiggum: Oh run along, Quimby. I think they're dedicating a phone booth somewhere.
Quimby: Watch it, you talking tub of donut batter.
Wiggum: Hey, I got pictures of you, Quimby!
Quimby: You don't scare me, that could be anyone's ass! Now beat it, I'm calling the shots!
Wiggum: I think that sash is cutting off the air to your brain. The town charter says in an emergency, I run the show!
Quimby: Well we'll just see about that - let's go to Town Hall!
Wiggum: FINE! (pause) Shall we take one car, or should I follow you?
Marge: Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you.
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?
Marge: It's not Batman!
Bart: Dad, you're a hero!
Homer: Yeah son, I'm the best mono-thingy guy there ever was.
Marge: And that was the only folly the people of Springfield ever embarked upon. Except for the Popsicle stick skyscraper... And the fifty-foot magnifying glass... And that escalator to nowhere.
Apu: I would like to see this money spent on more police officers. I have been shot eight this year, and as a result, I almost missed work.
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