If a gun can protect something as important as a bar, then it’s good enough to protect my family.— Homer
Bart: Okay, Milhouse, how many Krusty autographs should I put you down for?
Milhouse: A hundred!
Bart: Consider it done.
Bart: Krusty, you don't have to be 'on' tonight.
Homer: What are you talking about! Of course he does!
Lisa: No Dad, Krusty is our guest. Your pratfalls and Punchinello antics aren't necessary here.
Homer: He's talking funny-talk!
Lisa: No Dad, that's Hebrew! Krusty must be Jewish.
Homer: A Jewish entertainer? Get out of here!
Krusty: It's just that saying the bracha brings back a lot of painful memories, the old days, my... my father...
Homer: Hey, Krusty, you going to finish that meatloaf or what?
Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.
Bart: Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.
Homer: Why you little...!
Bart: We came to talk to you about your son.
Rabbi Krustofski: I have no son! (slams door)
Bart: Oh great, we came all this way and it's the wrong guy.
Rabbi Krustofski: (opens the door) I didn't mean that literally! (slams the door again)
Bart: Hello, my name's Dmitri. I'm a first-time caller, long-time listener. My question is, if a son defies his father and chooses a career that makes millions of children happy, shouldn't the father forgive the son?
Reverend Lovejoy: I think so.
Msgr D.: Yes, of course.
Rabbi Krustofski: No way! Absolutely not! Never, never! Who screens these calls? Who's in charge here? There's nobody in charge? They leave a building without people watching it...
Lisa: Here you go, Bart. It's a long shot, but that's all I can do without learning ancient Hebrew. (Bart stares at her) Bart! I am not going to learn ancient Hebrew!