When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV!— Homer
Homer: (on the phone) You heard me, I won't be in for the rest of the week... I told you, my baby beat me up... oh it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up.
Roger Meyers: We've got to stop her, but how?
Writer 1: Drop an anvil on her?
Writer 2: Hit her on the head with a piano?
Writer 3: Stuff her full of TNT, then throw a match down her throat and run?
Homer: You know, some of these stories are pretty good. I never knew mice lived such interesting lives.
Kent Brockman: Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say "no, of course not, what kind of stupid question is that?" But one woman says "yes" ... Marge Simpson.
Roger Meyers: In preparing for this debate, I did a little research, and I discovered something astonishing. There was violence in the past, long before cartoons were invented.
Roger Meyers: (reading hate mail) "I will never watch your show, buy any of your products or brake if I see you crossing the street." That's cold. "Dear sleaze merchant." Give me a break. Ladies and gentlemen, the screwballs have spoken.
Roger Meyers: (describing a new episode) Itchy just stole Scratchy's ice cream.
Animator: Make it a pie. Pies are easier to draw.
Itchy: This really hits the spot.
Scratchy: Doesn't it though?
Itchy: You make really good lemonade Scratchy.
Scratchy: Why thank you Itchy.
Homer: I always knew you'd change the world... for the better.