It all started last year during a terrible thunderstorm, when I locked myself out of the house. Sheltering myself with a large piece of sheet metal, I ran for cover under the tallest tree I could find!— Homer
Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect driving a... car of some sort. Heading in the direction of, uh... you know, that place that sells chilli. Suspect is hatless, repeat, hatless!
Snake: (as he escapes) Close, but no donut, cops!
Burns: Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating. Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! (evil laugh, then pause) There is a poisoned one, isn't there Smithers?
Smithers: Uh, no sir. I discussed this with our lawyers; they consider it murder.
Homer: (in his car) I keep hearing this horrible irregular thumping noise.
Clerk: It's your heart. And I think it's on its last thump.
Homer: Whew! I was afraid it was my transmission.
Homer: Woohoo! Look at that blubber fly!
Dr. Hibbert: Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation.
Homer: Say it in English, doc!
Dr. Hibbert: You're going to need open heart surgery
Homer: Spare me your medical mumbo-jumbo!
Dr. Hibbert: We're going to cut you open and tinker with your ticker.
Homer: Could you dumb it down a shade?
Homer: Kids, I'm not gonna die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh... he sold poison milk to school children.
Moe: Let's have a minute of silent prayer for our good friend Homer Simpson.
Barney: (after short pause) How long has it been?
Moe: Six seconds.
Barney: Do we have to start over?
Moe: Hell no.
Dr. Nick: Well if it isn't my old friend Mr. McGreg - with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg!
Bart: Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
Lisa: We feel neither highs or lows.
Homer: Really? What's it like?
Lisa: (shrugs) Eh.
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