When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV!— Homer
Godfrey Jones: We members of the press, somtimes, make mistakes. Rock Bottom would to make the following corrections: (a list scrolls past very quickly)
Bart: Wow! V8 juice really isn't 1/8 gasoline.
Homer: And Ted Koppel IS a robot!
Homer: I need help. Oh God, help me. Help me, God! (phone rings; Homer answers) Y'ello?
Voice: Hello Homer, this is God...(pause)...frey Jones from the TV magazine show Rock Bottom.
Homer: I feel like a kid in some kind of a store!
Apu: Hey! I have asked you nicely not to mangle my merchandise. You leave me no choice but to ask you nicely again!
Protesters: Two! Four! Six! Eight! Homer's crime was very great! (pause) Great meaning large or immense! We use it in the pejorative sense!
Lisa: Ashley Grant! You gave a talk on women's issues at my school and how we don't have to be second-class citizens.
Bart: Mom, how can you leave us with this maniac?!
Homer: I need help. Oh God, help me. Help me God!! (phone rings and Homer answers) Yello?
Voice: Hello Homer, this is God...frey Jones from the TV magazine show, Rock Bottom.
Groundskeeper Willie: My hobby is secretly videotaping couples in cars. I didn't come forward, because in this country it makes you look like a pervert. But every single Scottish person does it!
Ashley: Homer, I thought you were an animal, but your daughter said you were a decent man. I guess she was right.
Homer: You're both right,
Marge: Hasn't this experience taught you you can't believe everything you hear?
Homer: Marge my friend, I haven't learned a thing.