Man 1: I need one twenty-nine-cent stamp.
Apu: That's a dollar-eighty-five.
Man 2: Hi, I'd like two dollars worth of gas.
Apu: Four-twenty.
Apu: Silly customer! You cannot hurt a Twinkie!
Apu: Oh, this time I have gone to far. No, no one will fall for--
Homer: Woohoo! Cheap meat!
Kent Brockman: We've come up with a camera so tiny it fits into this oversized novelty hat.
Homer: Stop being such babies. You can't be afraid to try new things. For instance, tonight I'm using a... Apu, what do you call this thing again?
Apu: A "napkin".
Homer: (laughs) Outrageous!
Grampa: Ah, there's an interesting story behind this nickel. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three - medium brown.
Apu: There she is: the world's first convenience store!
Homer: This isn't very convenient.
Apu: Must you dump on everything we do?
Homer: Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
Master: Yes.
Homer: Really?
Master: Yes.
Homer: You?
Homer: Apu, if it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
Apu: Oh, the searing kiss of hot lead, how I've missed you! I mean, I think I'm dying.
James Woods: Is it true you once worked 96 hours straight?
Apu: Oh, yes. It was horrible, I tell you. By the end, I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind.
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