I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.— Homer
Voice in phone: The number you have dialed can no longer reached from this phone. You...neglegant...monster.
Homer: Garbage in garbage can. Hmm, makes sense.
Marge: (crying) And then I saw my son in a burlap sack, and they told me he had lice.
Man: (in burlap sack scratching his head) This story going somewhere?
Bart: Wow, Dad, you took a baptismal for me. How do you feel?
Homer: Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.
Ned: Wait! Homer, what did you just say?
Homer: I said shut your ugly face, Flanders!
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