I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.— Homer
Bart: I wanna see Santa. He can explain why he gave me a Playstation box with nothing inside but a coloring book.
Homer: It got your hopes up, didn't it?
Homer: (his hand is hammered by Legs) OWW! It's not my fault the Raiders lost. It's Professor Pigskin's!
Fat Tony: If he mentions that pig again, use two hammers.
Homer: But the pig! (gets both hands hammered) OWW! OWW!
Homer: Okay!! You guys can shoot your gay adult film at my house!!
Fat Tony: Gay? Who said anything about gay?
Homer: Look, we've been through this road before, I do something stupid, your mom leaves, we eat waffles!
Homer: Now if you'll excuse me I have to use the out-house again.
Cousin 1: We don't have an out-house.
Cousin 2: My recording studio!
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