When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV!— Homer
Willie: Don't you worry about your wee fish, lass. They're goin' to a better place. (off-screen toilet flush)
Ned: Sorry to bother you, Reverend Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables.
Reverend Lovejoy: Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it, asparagus?
Reverend Lovejoy: Well, kids usually pick these things stuff up from someplace. Find out who's doing it and... direct them to the Bible.
Ned: Where in the Bible?
Reverend Lovejoy: Uh...page 900.
Ned: But Rev--
Reverend Lovejoy: (hangs up) Damn Flanders.
Ned: Is this all he watches?
Maude: Well, he used to watch Davey and Goliath, but he thought the idea of a talking dog was blasphemous.
Homer: Damn crappy nails! Superglue my butt!
Ned: I'm talking about your potty-mouth.
Homer: What the hell are you talking about?
Homer: Step aside! Sensitive love letters are my specialty! "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpville. Population: you."
Homer: Three simple words: I am gay.
Marge: For the last time, I'm not putting that in!
Homer: (in a letter to Marge from a brewery) Maybe its the beer talking Marge, but you've got a butt that won't quit. They've got these big chewy pretzels here that are... (random mumbling) ...five dollars?! Get outta here!
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