If a gun can protect something as important as a bar, then it’s good enough to protect my family.— Homer
Marge: We could look this "id" thing up in the dictionary.
Homer: We got one?
Marge: I think it's under the short leg of the couch.
Homer: You're not going anywhere until you tell me what a "kwyjibo" is.
Bart: Uh, Kwyjibo - a big, dumb, balding North-American ape. With no chin.
Marge: And a short temper.
Homer: I'll show you a big dumb balding ape!
Bart: Uh-oh, Kwyjibo on the loose!
Skinner: Whoever did this is in big trouble.
Martin: And a sloppy speller. The preferred spelling of wiener is W-I-E-N-E-R. Although, E-I is an accepted ethnic variant.
Mrs. Krabappel: These tests will have no effect on your grades. They merely determine your future social status and financial success... (looks at Bart) If any.
Skinner: I caught your son defacing school property this morning. We estimate the damage at $75 and frankly, we think it's terribly unfair that other taxpayers should foot the bill.
Homer: Yeah, it's a crummy system but what're you gonna do?
Homer: What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Homer: Frosty Krusty Flakes are what got him where he is today. It could be one of these chemicals here that makes him so smart. Lisa, maybe you should try some of these.
Homer: I'm just saying, why not have two geniuses in the family? Sort of a spare in case Bart's brain blow up.
Homer: Here, let me show you how to put on a tie. The hook goes over the top, and these things go in here...
Ms. Mellon: Bart, what other paradoxes affect our lives?
Bart: Well... you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.
Ms. Mellon: Okay, keep going, but you do know what happens when you mix acids and bases, right Bart?
Bart: Of course I do! (explosion follows)
Homer: I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.
No parodies have been added for this episode yet.