If a gun can protect something as important as a bar, then it’s good enough to protect my family.— Homer
Moe: Say, Barn, uh, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?
Barney: Oh ho, oh yeah, you had a good laugh, Moe.
Moe: The results came back today. (reading a printout) You owe me seventy billion dollars.
Moe: No, wait, wait, wait, that's for the Voyager spacecraft. Your tab is fourteen billion dollars.
Skinner: Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all. I'm pooped.
Chalmers: Yes, I guess I should be -- (notices entire kitchen is on fire) Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? A this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Agnes: (offscreen) Seymour! The house is on fire!
Skinner: No, mother. It's just the Northern Lights!
Lou: Well, at McDonald's you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right? But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Wiggum : Get out! Well, what do they call it?
Lou: A Quarter Pounder with cheese.
Wiggum: Do they have Krusty partially gelatinated non-dairy gum-based beverages?
Lou: Mm-hm. They call 'em, "shakes."
Ed: Huh, shakes. You don't know what you're gettin'.
Sanjay: Oh, I guarantee a wingding of titanic proportions. You will be there or kindly be square.
Apu: Well, I don't like to leave the store... (dusts off a "back in 5 minutes" sign) ...but for the next five minutes I'm going to party like it's on sale for 19.99!
Moleman: You stole four minutes of my life and I want them back! (thinking) Oh, I'd only waste them anyway.