Homer the Vigilante

Plot

The Simpsons wake up to find that they have been robbed. In fact, all of Springfield has been hit by a cat burglar. The police are useless at stopping the robberies, so the townpeople start a Neighborhood Watch scheme, with Homer as leader. However, they end up causing more crimes that they were preventing.

Homer appears on "Smartline", where the cat burglar phones in and reveals that he will be stealing the world's largest cubic zirconia from the Springfield Museum. Homer vows to guard the museum, however, he gets drunk and the zirconia is stolen.

The townpeople are mad at Homer, until his father reveals he knows who the burglar is - Malloy, an old man at his retirement home. Malloy is imprisoned, and tells Homer that he hid his treasure under a "big T."

The whole town races off on a wild goose chase to find it, however, all they find is a note from Malloy saying there is no treasure after all, and he has escaped from jail. The townpeople keep on digging though...

Memorable quotes

Flanders: Hi-dilly-ho, neighborinos!
Homer: Can't talk. Robbed. Go Hell.

Lisa: We are insured, aren't we, Mom?
Marge: Homer, tell your child what you bought when I sent you to town to get some insurance.
Homer: Curse you magic beans!

Kent Brockman: When cat burglaries start, can mass murders be far behind? This reporter isn't saying that the burglar is an inhuman monster like the Wolfman, but he very well could be. So, professor, would you say it's time for everyone to panic?
Professor: Yes I would, Kent.

Apu: Thank you for coming, I'll see you in Hell!

Homer: Okay, here's our new family security rules. Be home before dark, and make sure you're not followed. Lock all doors and windows.
Marge: And don't take candy from strangers.
Homer: Marge, they're only human!

Homer: Lisa, never, ever stop in the middle of a hoedown!

Flanders: Since the police can't seem to get off their duff-a-roonies to do something about this burglar-ino, I propose we start out own neighborhood watch (pause) aroony! (everyone cheers) Now, who should lead the group?
Man: You!
Everyone: (cheering) Flanders! Flanders! Flanders!
Flanders: Well, I don't have much experience, but I'd be--
Moe: Someone else!

Homer: I'm someone else!
Lenny: He's right!
Homer: We don't need a thinker, we need a doer! Someone who'll act without considering the consequences!

Homer: Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're an old man now, and old people are useless.

Homer: Now we need code names. I'll be Cue-Ball, Skinner can be Eight-Ball, Barney will be Twelve-Ball, and Moe, you can be Cue-Ball.
Moe: You're an idiot.

Homer: Lisa, the mob is working on getting your saxophone back, but we've also expanded into other important areas. (pulls out a piece of paper) Literacy programs. Preserving our beloved covered bridges. World domination.
Lisa: World domination?
Homer: Uh, heh, that might be a typo. (thinking) Mental note, the girl knows too much.

Homer: People can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forfty percent of all people know that.

Kent Brockman: Well, what do you say to the accusation that your group has been causing more crimes than it's been committing?
Homer: Oh Kent, I'd be lying if I said my men weren't committing crimes.
Kent Brockman: Mmm, touché.

Homer: So, Mr. Malloy, it seems that the cat has been caught by the very person who was trying to catch him.
Skinner: How ironic.

Kent Brockman: Hordes of panicky people seem to be evacuating the town for some unknown reason. Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?
Professor: Yes I would, Kent.

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Notes

• Chief Wiggum says the Simpsons' address is 723 Evergreen Terrace.
• Pictures of Fat Tony and Ms. Botz (the baysitter bandit) can be seen at the police station.
• A headline in the newspaper reads: ''Man Marries Woman In Wedding Ceremony.''
• A poster in Flanders' rumpus room reads: ''Seven days without a drink makes me weak.''

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References

• Music from ''The Pink Panther'' accompanies the burglaries.
• The scene where Homer rides the A-Bomb is from ''Dr. Stangelove.''
• The ending to this episode is a direct take-off of the movie ''It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World'':
  • Treasure is hidden under a giant letter (W in the movie);
  • everyone backing off slowly, then running;
  • the plane flying through a billboard;
  • the man in the car sinking in the river;
  • the Big T is a palm tree like the W in the movie - in fact, the original Big W can be seen behind the T;
  • everyone frantically digging;
  • the shot of everyone's heads in a circle, looking at the treasure;
  • the music accompanying the scenes is from the film;
  • the music over the end credits is a Simpsons theme variation on the film's music.
• Molloy looks and sounds like David Niven, who played the Phantom in the Pink Panther.
• In The Pink Panther, the title jewel is the world's largest diamond. In this episode, Molloy steals the world's largest cubic zirconia.

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