When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV!— Homer
Name: Ralph Wiggum
Identity: The babyish paste-eater in Lisa's class.
Related to: Chief Wiggum (father), Sarah (mother).
Past loves: Lisa Simpson.
"My cat's breath smells like cat food."
Stupid things he does: Eats paste
and crayons, does not brush his teeth, laughs at stupid valentines cards,
picks his nose too much.
Is not allowed: To use scissors or turn on the stove.
The happiest day of his life: When the doctor told him he didn't have worms anymore.
Frequently sees: A leprechaun who tells him to burn things.
"Miss Hoover, my worm went in my mouth and then
I ate it. Can I have a new one?"